Week 2: How One Owner and Blockbuster are One in the Same
Who remembers sitting in 8th-grade science, writing down “the laws”? Newton’s Law of Inertia: an object in motion stays in motion. Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. The Law of Conservation of Energy: energy is neither created nor destroyed, just transformed.
Well gentlemen, after Week 2 of the JNIC Fantasy Football League, we need to add a new law to the canon. Tone’s Law: past performance is not indicative of future results. And if you’re wondering how exactly this law was written, you can thank the arrogance, mismanagement, and hubris of one Robert Anthony Johnson, a.k.a. Tone, a.k.a. Tone-Loc, a.k.a. Yahn, a.k.a. the Blockbuster Video of the JNIC FFL.
My Mirror Moment: Owning 0-2
Before we continue, let me hold myself accountable. I’m 0-2. It sucks. I hate it. It’s like showing up to your 20-year high school reunion and realizing you peaked at prom.
I can make excuses. I’ve scored 100+ both weeks. I’ve had tough matchups against Dre (the reigning champ) and Zayn (a perennial contender). But no one cares. Bill Parcells had it right: you are what your record says you are. And right now, my record says I’m 0-2.
But here’s the thing: I can live with that. I’ve been here before. Three of my five championship runs started from a 4th, 5th, or 6th seed. Dre literally won his first chip after starting 0-2. So there’s history that tells me that this is all good. I’ve got the talent. I’ve got the upside. The season is a marathon, not a sprint, and I’m confident my team will be in the playoff conversation.
So yeah, I’m annoyed. I’m humbled. But I’m also rational. I know what my 0-2 means.
Tone? Different story.
Enter Tone: The Arrogance of Blockbuster
Tone is the guy who refuses to accept what the scoreboard tells him. He lives in denial, still clinging to his golden era — the way Blockbuster Video thought they were untouchable in the late ’90s.
Remember Blockbuster? Friday night, you’d walk in with your parents, grab a VHS off the shelf, pick up some stale candy at the register, and head home feeling like you won the lottery. They were everywhere. In 2004, they had 9,000 stores. You couldn’t drive through your city without seeing that blue and yellow sign glowing like the North Star.
Then arrogance set in. Netflix offered to sell for $50 million, and Blockbuster laughed them out of the room. “Streaming? Mail-order DVDs? Cute idea, but we’re Blockbuster. People need the physical experience. They love late fees. We’re untouchable.”
Fast-forward 10 years: Blockbuster was dead. Netflix was worth billions. And all of us who once begged our parents for extra candy at checkout moved on, leaving Blockbuster to rot in the same graveyard where Tone’s fantasy relevance has been buried for nearly a decade.
You see, Tone is Blockbuster. He had his moment. He had his two championships, capped by that Christmas 2016 title where Doug Baldwin turned into Jerry Rice for one night and broke my heart. That was his glory day. His Friday-night-VHS-rental peak. And ever since then? A slow, painful collapse built on arrogance, stubbornness, and a refusal to evolve.
The Arrogance That Writes Checks Reality Can’t Cash
That arrogance was on full display this week. Let’s set the scene. I’m in the bar, sweating my matchup against Zayn. He’s got a quarterback and a defense left; I’ve got scraps. It’s not looking good for me.
Enter Tone into the group chat:
Tone: “Zach, what’s the playoff percentage when you start 0-2 again?”
Imagine the audacity. This man, sitting on 69 points, five of his six starters under double digits, and Justin Fields in his lineup over Patrick Mahomes, decides this is the time to pop shit. That’s not confidence. That’s arrogance so blinding it makes you forget reality.
It’s Blockbuster laughing at Netflix. It’s Kodak refusing to pivot to digital photography. Tone thought he was still living in 2016, when Odell Beckham vaulted his team into a 3-year run of contention. But the truth? Like OBJ, Tone is simply a relic; a has-been; one of those guys in their late 20’s who goes to high school football games with his same varsity jacket from HS.
The Two “Key Players” and EOR Syndrome.
Tone doubled down on this arrogance with his “two key players.” Ashton Jeanty, $60 RB1, and Ladd McConkey, the athletic embodiment of how a Fox News would build an NFL wide receiver: “White. Humble. Plays the game the right way. Consummate professional. Not like these dancing pickaninnies always celebrating a first down like they just won the damn lottery!” It is unfortunate. Our once fun-loving friend Tone has been diagnosed with early-onset republican. And like the parasitic virus that it is, it’s already starting to spread. Once subjugated to the confines of the voting booth in 2016, Tone’s symptoms starting to flare up as random unprovoked comments (i.e. calling a barista at my local coffee shop a “libtard” out of the blue). Once there, the disease spread faster than a California wildfire - from the voting booth to the snarky comments to the group chats. His symptoms showed themselves on Sunday afternoon: “I’m at the age where first down cellys are starting to get annoying. Save it for a 4th quarter key drive!” I started connecting the dots. McConkey isn’t just another player on Tone’s team. He’s a symbol. A safe, buttoned-up, no-fun white receiver Tone can point to when his other receiver, Ja’Marr Chase, is out there doing the griddy. It’s here guys. Tone’s EOR has spread so quickly lately, none of us realized its emergence to his decisions on the gridiron. Tone is scouting his keepers like an Alabama HS Football coach.
Tone called them his closers, his anchors, the guys who would drag him out of the mud and into a win.
He needed 17 combined points. Yahoo projected 28. Easy, right?
Final line: 13.2. Jeanty: 5.9. McConkey: 7.3.
This wasn’t just a failure. It was poetic justice. The man who mocked me for being 0-2 ended the night 0-2 himself. Not just 0-2, but last place in the league. Not just last place, but lowest scorer of the week. He literally lasted two weeks before hitting the guillotine floor.
And now we here. With enough evidence and studies to define a new theory in the science of fantasy football. Tone’s Law: past performance is not indicative of future results.
Bad Management: The Fields over Mahomes Disaster
Let’s talk about the management piece, because this is where Tone’s downfall shifts from bad luck to self-inflicted wounds.
He started Justin Fields over Patrick Mahomes. Let that sink in. Mahomes — a golden ticket of fantasy football, the guy who’s practically matchup-proof — sat on Tone’s bench while Fields face-planted his way to a 3.98 scoring outing. The swing? Twenty points. Twenty points! Enough to turn his loss into a win. That’s not hindsight. That’s negligence. That’s malpractice.
Five of his six starters finished in single digits. That’s not bad luck; that’s mismanagement.
Four of his bench players scored 13.6 or more. Four! His 6 bench players came within 3 points of outscoring his 9 starters. I’ve never seen such a plethora of bad-decision making in one weekend.
And you know what. I’m starting to see that this is a pattern. Tone drafts talent but doesn’t know how to deploy it. He’s the guy sitting on Bitcoin in 2010 and selling it for a new lawnmower. He’s the NBA GM who drafts Luka and then trades him for a bag of peanuts.
Tone doesn’t lose because his players suck. He loses because he sucks at managing his players…. Holy shit, Tone is Jerry Jones.
Sharing Misery: The Irony of 0-2
Here’s where the irony sings. I’m 0-2. I hate it. But I own it. I accept it.
Tone’s 0-2? He earned it. He deserves it. And the fact that he tried to clown while losing himself makes it even sweeter. Misery loves company, but in this case, misery prefers a roommate who brought it on himself.
Lessons in Trash Talk
So what’s the lesson here? Simple. Don’t be Tone Deaf.
If your team is ass, be ass. Own it. Sit in the mud and wait for better days. Don’t talk shit when you’re on life support. Poppin that shit about being 0-2 when you’re two Ashton Jeanty checkdowns away from being in the exact same boat is a false sense of reality.
Tone’s downfall isn’t bad luck. It’s arrogance. It’s Blockbuster ignoring Netflix. It’s Kodak ignoring digital. It’s Justin Fields over Mahomes. It’s Ashton Jeanty and Ladd McConkey as “key players.”
Tone once was. He thinks he still is. But he never will be again.
Final Word
The history books will show that in Week 2 of the 2025 season, Tone mocked his commissioner for being 0-2, then promptly joined him in the 0-2 pit, last place in the league, lowest scorer of the week, victim of his own arrogance and the guillotine.
Tone’s Law is written now. Past performance is not indicative of future results. And in Tone’s case, neither is present performance.
